Tuesday night, 7:00pm.
I headed back to Queen Anne High school to check out this first meeting of the school year for Boy Scouts. I have no idea what to expect. Is this going to be a lot of work? Will it be fun? The only thing I’m hoping for is that I want it to be like those photos in my dad’s photo old album. Can I make some friends here? Looking at those old photos, I could tell he was happy.
I don’t know why my mother never showed those photos to me before. But I wish she had. My dad looked really happy. He liked being with these guys. He didn’t look like I always feel… lonely.
I must admit, I was also a little jealous. It’s obvious he had these good friends and went on these great-looking adventures. I want that. When do I get to go?
I walked into the meeting feeling a little optimistic. Maybe this could be a good thing?
But as soon as I walked into the room, the mood changed. The whole vibe felt…serious. Why so serious? The meeting hadn’t even started, and nobody was standing around talking to each other or barely speaking to each other. It was too quiet.
I really felt out of place. First off, everybody, even the parents, were in the official uniform. Was I supposed to get a uniform before I came? Nobody told me anything. Second, every boy was standing at attention in straight rows. Which row do I join? Or do I just stand here in the back? Isn’t there somebody I should sign up with? Do I have to register with somebody? How do I join? I just kept standing against the back wall waiting for a clue what to do. How did these guys know what to do already? Just like every other club and group at school, these kids have been together for a long time. Once again, I’m the outside intruder.
I thought about bailing.
“Screw this, I’ll just go skateboarding. ” I thought to myself.
But I decided against it. I just remembered what my dad kept saying:
“No input, no output”
I’m going to check this meeting out and see if it’s something I want to try.
“SIGN’S UP!” an older boy yelled from the front of the room. He held up the two fingers of his right hand. His arm was poised at a perfect right angle.
“ATTENTION!” he snapped. I almost felt like I joined the military.
“FLAGS!” he yelled.
Another group of boys marched in formation up the center aisle. They were carrying two flags, one American, one for the troop, on poles. When they reached the front of the room, they placed the flags in their stands and saluted. The older boy barked orders at each step of the way. I get that we’re supposed to show respect. But maybe I did join the military. Or these guys were playing soldier of fortune. The entire room snapped to an attention stance. In unison we all recited the Pledge of Allegiance.
Then all of the boys raised their right hands with their arms at a perfect 90-degree angle. They raised two fingers just like the leader did.
“SCOUT OATH!” the lead boy barked. In unison the boys replied:
“On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law,
To help people at all times.
To keep myself, physically, strong, mentally awake and morally straight.”
“What the hell did that mean?” I asked myself. I was seriously confused.
“SCOUT LAW” the leader at the front snapped.
Again in unison all the boys responded:
“A Scout is:
- Trustworthy,
- Loyal,
- Helpful,
- Friendly,
- Courteous,
- Kind,
- Obedient,
- Cheerful,
- Thrifty,
- Brave,
- Clean,
- and Reverent.
The meeting started with a few announcements. There will be a camping trip in two weeks. “Great!” I thought. I can give that a shot. There will be a merit badge workshop next week. BE sure to get your dues payment by the end of the month. “Dues? Where am I going to get the money? How much?” There will be a uniform check next week. “Shit, I need to find a uniform fast. Where do I get that?”
“SILENCE” the oldest leader boy yelled from the front of the room.
“We will now break into individual patrols and patrol meetings. BREAK!”
Instantly all of the other boys broke out of their perfect rows and into small groups, their individual patrols. Where was I supposed to go? Do I just pick a group?
“NEW SCOUTS!” another older boy yelled. Jeez, they sure like yelling at each other in Boy Scouts.
“New Scouts will line up against the back wall. Your patrol leader will meet you and give you orientation.”
I went to the back of the room to line up. I thought I would be the only new kid. But I was surprised, there were a few of us. After we all lined up, I could see one of the older boys start heading our way. He must be our patrol leader. As he cleared from the crowd and the front of the room and turned to head out way, a major wave of anxiety and dread came over me. I know this kid. It was Kelly Kyle. The kid I scored on and embarrassed in the soccer game last Tuesday.
Kelly marched towards up like a drill sergeant at a boot camp. He gave all of us a death stare. But when he saw me, his face turned red, and his eyes opened wide. He knew he had the power now. This was not going to be good.
“SCOUTS! Stand up straight and look at me.” He barked. This guy was taking this way too seriously.
The five of us new kids standing there did our best to snap to attention, whatever that was. Nobody showed us what to do. I heard the kid standing next to me start to snicker under his breath.
Kelly started addressing us in a stern tone of voice. As he spoke, he paced back and forth. These kids really thought he was reviewing his troops.
“My name is Assistant Patrol Leader Kyle Kelly! I am your temporary Patrol Leader. My mission is to train each one of you to become not only a Boy Scout, but the Best Boy Scout in the state! If you don’t want that, there are other troops in this city.”
The kid next to me raised his hand.
“What!” Kelly snapped.
“Is this your way of making friends, or did you just miss the memo on how not to be a total dick?” The kid asked. The entire line of us wanted to burst out laughing. But we were too intimidated. The kid next to me had no fear of Kelly.
“No more questions!” Kelley snapped.
“A Scout is characterized as one who possesses the highest virtues. He obeys orders. My orders. He respects his seniors and strives constantly to be the best in everything he does.” Kelly slowly started walking towards the kid next to me. He stopped toe to toe staring him right in the eye.
“Discipline and spirit are the hallmarks of a Scout. Each one of you can become a scout if you instill discipline and spirit. I will make every effort to train you, even after some of you have given up on yourselves. Starting now, you will treat all Senior Scouts with the highest level of respect, for we have earned our places here. I will accept nothing less than that from you.”
“Ah, the tough guy act. Reminds me of a puppy barking to be taken seriously.” The kids retorted. It took everything me and the others had to keep from outright laughing.
“You’ve all made a conscious choice to be here, a choice that sets you apart from the rest. You’ve chosen to challenge yourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. The journey ahead won’t be easy, but I assure you, it will be worth it. My mission here is to mold you into disciplined warriors, instill in you the values of honor, courage, and commitment, and forge an unbreakable bond amongst your fellow Scouts”
“Mold us into warriors?” I thought. What the hell is this kid thinking? I thought this was supposed to be fun
“Now, it’s time to begin. Get ready to sweat, to learn, and to become part of a brotherhood that spans generations. You’re about to embark on a journey that will test your strength, your character, and your determination.
“Kelly, are you auditioning for a role as the school’s official asshole, or is this just a natural talent?” The kid replied.
That pushed us over the edge. We all couldn’t help ourselves and we all burst out laughing. Kelly definitely lost control of the meeting. Now the damn broke loose. All of us were openly laughing at Kelly. We could see him getting agitated and his face got redder every second. Since this kid and I were laughing the hardest and were closest, Kelly stepped in close to us.
“You’ll never get anywhere in this troop. Your insubordination will cost you. Drop and give me ten pushups.” He snarled.
“Ten pushups, Drill Sergeant? Is that the secret recipe for becoming the troop asshole?” the kid quipped. “Piss off. There’s no corporal punishment allowed in scouting. You know that.”
Then the kid slowly raised his right hand clenched closed up to his mouth. He started blowing into the little hole where the thumb and index finger overlap. He made it look and sound like he was blowing up a balloon. And with each breath, his middle finger slowly raised and “inflated” until it was fully upright. He then popped the “balloon” away from his mouth and made a loud pfffft! sound as if the balloon was wildly deflating. With each sound we wildly waived his middle finger in Kelly’s face.
“DROP AND GIVE ME TEN PUSHUPS” Kelly screamed. He was seriously losing it. He yelled so loudly that the entire hall full of kids and parents stopped and looked over. This was going to be a standoff.
At that moment, an adult in full uniform stepped out of a side office that was halfway down the length of the hall. This was the Adult Scoutmaster.
He looked over at us.
“Kelly” he called. then he just shook his head no.
Kelly immediately backed down. He whispered to us “This isn’t over” and sulked back to the front of the room
As soon as he left, we all openly burst out laughing. But as soon as we thought we were in the clear, trouble came again. This time in the form of Kelly’s mom. I first saw her at the soccer match when I took Kelly’s position. She stormed over.
“You boys need to learn respect for those who are older and more senior than you.” She hissed
“Respect his authority, huh? I’ll put it on my to-do list, right under ‘Find a unicorn.’”
“You are not going to make it in this troop young man.” she snapped, spun around and walked straight towards the Scoutmaster’s office, surely to complain about us.
I let out a huge sigh of relief that that was over.
“Don’t let that stupid shit get to you. He’s always been an insecure little prick. He gets off on bullying others just to make himself feel better.”
“You know him?” I asked.
“Yeah, he lives down the street from me. He’s always that way. Even his own brothers can’t stand him.”
“I’m Robbie” I said
“Hey. I’m Sawyer. You new here at school?”
“Yeah, just moved here.” I saw that he was wearing a t-shirt with THE CLASH emblem on the front.
“You like them?” I pointed at the shirt.
“Yeah! I like all of the older punk bands. Do you?”
“Yeah. Well. Sort of. I have a box of my dad’s old albums. I know he has a few of their albums. I can’t play them, though, I don’t have a turntable.”
“Sweet! I have a portable! We should get together and go through them. I’ll show which ones are the best. Let’s get together this weekend. You like graphic novels? Walking Dead? Umbrella Academy? Frank Miller? ”
“Yeh, I like those. Me too. Yeah.”
A friendship is always born when one person says ME TOO!
And suddenly, everything seemed a little bit better.
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