Burnside just stood there staring right at me. He was looking right into my eyes and not flinching. What the fuck did he just say to me? This guy looks dead serious. What do I say?

“Wha..” I stumbled. “What the hell did you just say? No. How can you even say something like that? Are you fucking with me?”

Burnside just stood there and stared at me. Not once flinching any feature on his face.

“Fuck you. I’m out outta here. I just wanted to ask you a few questions and you drop this shit on me.”

Burnside didn’t flinch. Just kept staring at me stone cold.

“Stop it! I don’t want to hear this! I don’t need this bullshit right now!” I started screaming at him.

Burnside just kept staring at me. Then he reached up, slowly removed his glasses, and just kept staring at me. Then he broke.

Then suddenly Burnside just let go and burst out into the loudest laughter I ever heard. He was like a hyena laughing. He laughed so loud he needed to lean back on the tool bench behind him to keep from falling over.

“Jesus Christ kid, you look like you were about to crap your pants” he wailed. He was laughing so hard tears were coming from the corner of his eyes.

“That’s not funny!” I punched him hard in the shoulder. He stood straight up.

“Oh yeah! You want to go?” He started lunging towards me hitting me back on each shoulder. “Come on. You want to go?” He lunged towards me laughing. Was he serious? I don’t know. I just met the guy.

I started covering my head and face. Was this guy seriously going to beat me up? He kept slapping and pushing my shoulders. But he wasn’t hurting me. So, I swung back. I landed a few good shots back on his chest and shoulders. Burnside lunged and put me in a headlock. I was terrified. I have never been in a fight before. Am I going to get my ass kicked here and now? Burnside kept taunting me.

“No! Let me go!” I swung my arms as hard as I could. I don’t know where I was aiming. But I connected. I connected hard. Right in the balls.

Burnside immediately let go. His face had no color at all. He was clearly gasping for breath. After a few seconds he fell to the floor.

“Oh my God! I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to! Should I call an ambulance?” My real instinct was to just run. Get the hell out of there. But can I leave this guy here on the floor gasping for air?

Burnside laid there for a few seconds, gasping for breath. Then he fell silent. I didn’t know what to do. Then he started again. Just like two minutes earlier he slowly started to smile then burst out into that loud annoying hyena laugh. This guy went from extreme pain to pure laughter just like that. He rolled over flat on his back and stared at me.

“You truly are Sean’s kid.” He laid there laughing and trying to get his breath. “We used to pull that shit on each other all the time. One of us would try to push the other’s buttons and we would usually end up in some sort of roughhouse punch up. And true to form it would always end up with one of us landing a lucky cheap shot to the nuts. Now you’re reminding me of how much I miss that guy.”

“So…. you’re not….my father?”

Burnside lay there laughing. “No! Come on, it’s a joke! Why so serious?”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“But you are adopted.” He looked right at me.

“What! Shut the hell up.”

Burnside burst into laughter again. With each laugh you could tell he was still hurting in his gut.

“Jesus, you’re gullible kid.” He laughed. He held out his hand. “Come on, help me up.”

I was nervous to give him my hand. Was this a trap? I nervously took his hand and helped him up. Once up he brushed himself off and leaned back against the tool bench.

“So you’re Sean McDonald’s kid. Yeah. I can see the family resemblance.”

“Did you know my mom well?”

“Know her? I dated her!”

“Oh, come on! I don’t need to hear that. Are you serious? Or are you messing with me again?”

“No. Seriously. You know her brother was in the band with your dad and me. That’s how I met her. I took her out a few times. It was great.”

“What happened? Or do I not want to know?”

“Nothing happened. She liked me. But she liked your dad more. It’s all good.”

“So she dated you. Then she dumped you to date my dad?”

Burnside laughed. “That’s painful the way you put it. But yeah.”

“Is that why…” I don’t know if I should ask the next question.

“Is that why what?”

“Is that why the band broke up?”

Burnside laughed. “No! That’s not why the band broke up. You’re the reason the band broke up.” He poked his dirty finger right into the center of my chest.

“Oh come on!” I protested. “Enough of this! Stop messing with me. I can’t handle this.”

“No. It’s true. Your mom and dad were dating. She got pregnant. They said they wanted to get married. Your dad made the decision to leave the band. He didn’t want to be a dad that was always on the road trying to eke out a living in a minor league punk rock band.”

“We’re you pissed at him?”

“No! None of us were. Listen, we all had a great time while we were together. But we all knew that we’d gone farther than we ever expected with that band. And we all knew it was going to end someday. We all wanted to do a lot of other things with our lives. So, this was a great reason to stop. We respected our friend’s decision and supported it. That’s why we stayed friends over the years.”

“You stayed friends?”

“Of course. Just because we were on opposite sides of the country doesn’t mean we stopped loving each other.”

He took a long pause. It looked like he was thinking about what he was about to tell me.

“I was there you know. Maybe not. You were really young. And there were A LOT of people there.”

“Where? You mean… you were at…”

“The funeral. Yeah. Of course. I wouldn’t expect you to remember me. You were young. Jeez, there must have been over 200 people at that funeral. That says how much he was loved.”

“There were too many people.”

“I understand. I remember we all came to your house after the service. You stayed in your room most of the afternoon. Up in your room with your friends?”

I shook my head no.

“No friends.” God, I felt like such a loser saying that. But it was true. And I hated it. I never want to go back to that. There was a long silent pause. It started to get uncomfortable. Suddenly Burnside spoke up.

“Panic attacks? Anxiety? I get it. Been there myself.”

Then things got silent between us. Eventually Burnside broke the silence. “So how do you like your new house? Are you all settled in? You should be. Maybe not. It’s only been two and a half months.

“How do you know how long we’ve been here?” I was stumped.

“Your mom told me.”

“My mom? You still talk to my mom?”

“Yeah. Well, text. Yeah, we’re still friends. When she told me she was thinking about moving out here, I gave her some advice on neighborhoods to look at.”

“But you haven’t seen her?”

“No. Not yet. A move like you two just made is a big thing. We’ll connect when she’s ready and settled in. It’s all good. I’ll invite her here for lunch.”

I just didn’t know what to say. I just stood there looking at him and the shop.

Burnside broke the silence. “So, tell me why you’re here, kid.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know. I want to ask you everything. But I don’t know where to start. I didn’t even plan on coming here tonight. I just found your address and came down here without even thinking about it.”

“Ok. It’s all good. So start asking.”

“There’s too much. What was he like when you were my age, when you were friends? Why did you start a band? Why punk rock? Why scouts? Why didn’t he sign me up? Didn’t he like it? Was he popular?”

“You may know the answers to a lot of those questions already.”

“NO, I don’t!” I started to get frustrated. “It’s getting harder to remember!” I could tell I was getting worked up and raising my voice.

“Dude, it’s ok. You’re thrashing.”

“What?”

“You’re getting all worked up. And that’s ok. I get it. You’ve got a lot of questions. And I’ll try to answer them the best I can. All of them. But you’re piling too much onto yourself right now. It’s going to eat you from the inside out. Let’s start small. What do you need right now to start feeling better?”

I couldn’t answer. I just stared at the floor. I felt like I was going to start to cry. But I held it back. There was no way I was going to tear up in front of this guy.

“Dude, come on. If you don’t ask for what you want, you’re going to be stuck eating somebody else’s crap for the rest of your life. Take a breath and tell me why you’re here.”

I felt it welling up inside me. But I kept pushing it down. I needed to get myself under control.

“Come on.” He poked me in the chest with his dirty finger. “Tell me. Yeah, you don’t know me. But I’ll help you if I can.”

I couldn’t raise my head. I kept staring that the concrete floor of the studio.

“Dude, look at me. Lift your head and look at me.”

I lifted my head and looked him right in the eyes. I couldn’t help it. I think my face was turning red. I could feel everything welling up inside me. I opened my mouth to try to speak. But my mouth and throat were so dry I just squeaked out a totally inaudible sound. Burnside just looked at me.

“Tell me what you need.”

I looked right at him. I tried to speak again. “I need help.”

____________________________________ 2 _______________________________________

I couldn’t believe I actually said that. How could I be so stupid? It felt like the room got really silent, like I was in a giant sound-proof booth. My head started spinning. My stomach felt completely empty. Every limb in my body felt buzzing. Like the feeling when your foot or hand falls asleep. I was terrified. I felt extremely…vulnerable. I know this guy is going to start laughing at me. It’s all going wrong…again. What the hell did I just do? I screwed it all up again.

“OK. Tell me what you need. I’ll help.” He looked me dead in the eye. I could tell me meant it. But that scared me. Is he really going to help me? Or is he going to mess with me again? I still felt too vulnerable. I just stared at the ground.

” I should go.”

“No. You’re not going. Tell me what’s going on.”

I don’t know what it was. Maybe I trusted this guy but didn’t know it yet. Maybe everything I was holding in and trying to control couldn’t be held in any more. And I mean everything, from the day my father died until now. It was all pent up. And it wasn’t staying in anymore. It didn’t want it to come out. But I had no choice. I stared at the ground and felt it coming. It felt like I was going to throw up. It started in my stomach, raced to my head, then out through my eyes and nose. I just broke down. Tears started pouring out of my eyes.

“I’m stuck. And I can’t shake this constant feeling of everything being wrong. Nothing is right. Ever since my father died. I have no friends. I moved here and I can’t fit in. I just don’t know where I belong. And then I find this photo album of my dad’s and he’s there, you’re there. Everybody is happy. He had friends, you had each other. And I get so fucking pissed. Where are my friends? Why can’t I have that? What did I do wrong? “

“Nothing. You did nothing wrong. ” Burnside interjected.

“It’s all wrong. And then I finally met some people. I think these kids can be genuine friends. I actually feel good about myself when I’m with them. For those small moments when we’re together, life sucks just a little less. And now we’re all being ripped apart and separated.” I pointed at the open photo album on the tool bench. “How do I get that, what you guys had? We were so damn close, and now it’s being taken away. And that pisses me off.”

“Good.”

“What?”

“Good. Get pissed. That means you care. That means you want to fight for something. Good. Fight for it. And let me tell you something. Don’t point at a photo album and say I want that. It’s not going to happen.”

“What?” What he told me shocked the hell out of me. I can’t believe he was saying this. “Are you telling me I’ll never have friends? Like I don’t deserve them?”

“No. Let me put it this way.” He picked up the photo album. “This is not yours. This is not your life. This is not a road map to tell you how to live. This is a snapshot in time. A long time ago. It was a great time. So great that your dad wanted to preserve it with pictures and memories. But it was his life. And my life. And the life of all the guys and girls you see in these pictures. But let me be clear, this is not your life.”

“But I want that!” I was getting frustrated to the point I was raising my voice.

“No. You want what you think this represents. You want your father back. You want him back in your life, so you’re trying to recreate his life. You want a set of friends like Sean did. You want the same adventures he did. That’s fine. But you need to make it your life. Not recreate his. Understand?”

“No.”

“Ok. that’s fair. But in time you will.”

“No, it’s hopeless. Our patrol is being broken up. It’s going to be miserable. We talked to the scoutmaster, there’s nothing we can do. We need an adult to sponsor us so we can stay together.”

Burnside instantly burst into that hyena laugh of his. It was annoying but hilarious. When he laughed like that, the tough guy image with the leather coat, diamond earring, greasy hair and tattoo sleeve faded away a little.

“I get it. That’s why you came down here tonight. You came here to ask me to lead your patrol so you could stay together.”

“No! I swear! That’s not why I came here. I promise. It was a spur of the moment thing. I swear. I didn’t know this is how tonight was going to go.”

“Deep down, you knew what you were doing. You just didn’t know it at the time.” Burnside smirked

“What? I don’t know what that means. You’re confusing me.”

“You trusted your gut. Something told you to get on your skateboard and ride for an hour looking for some address you pulled off a web site. Deep down, you knew it was the right thing to do. But you don’t know why. You didn’t know you were doing the right thing, because you never trusted yourself before. I can sense it, for the past few years, ever since your dad died, you’ve been second guessing yourself. Your dad left you. Now you’re afraid your friends will leave you. Because it will hurt again. And I get it. That kind of hurt SUCKS. Because it just rips open old wounds. After your dad died, I wasn’t interested in playing music any more. Took me awhile to get back into it. I had to find where I was, here and now. And that’s what you have to go through. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck forever thinking about yesterday. Thinking about yesterday is nothing but a long slow parasite that will eat you up from the inside.”

“So will you help me? Will you sponsor our patrol? Please help us stay together.”

“No. I’m not your guy.”

And just like that, it felt like a gut punch. If he won’t help, we’ll be finished.

Burnside picked up his phone from the tool bench and started dialing.

“What? Why? ” I asked

“Robbie, I’d love to. But I don’t have kids. I don’t know how to lead kids.”

“But you’re an Eagle scout!” I protested.

“Yeah, I was a Scout, but never an adult leader. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

“So, what! You didn’t know how to play bass before you started the band.”

Burnside looked at me. “We’ll you got me there.” I could hear that the call he made started ringing.

“Who are you calling?”

Burnside looked at me and smiled. Whoever he was calling answered.

“Sally? Hey it’s Burnside.”

“You called my mom!” I protested. I tried grabbing the phone from his hand. 

Burnside stretched out his arm to keep me at bay.

“You doing ok? Good. Hey, I just wanted to let you know, Robbie is here with me.”

“What!” I could hear her protest over the phone through the speaker.

“He’s ok. We’re getting acquainted and having a good talk. It’s all good.”

I tried to listen to what my mom was saying on the phone but couldn’t make out what she was saying.

“Yeah, I understand. Listen, it’s getting late. I think it’s getting too late for him to skate home, I’ll bring him home to you myself. It’s no problem at all. It will be good to see you and say hi. It’s really no problem. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Bye”

“I can get home by myself.”

“Nope. It’s too dark outside. I told my mom I’ll bring you, so I’m bringing you. Let’s go.”

We started out of the warehouse back though the large garage door. As Burnside started to pull the door down to lock it up, he stopped suddenly.

“Oops, almost forgot, you’re going to need this.” He stopped the door from coming down. He reached inside and grabbed something off the shelves next to the door. He spun around and stuck in my gut an old motorcycle helmet.

“What’s this for?”

“Your mom will kill me if I bring you home not wearing this.” He closed the door, turned me around and started walking across the alley. Then I saw where he was going.

“Let’s go.” Burnside clapped his hands. “Sun’s going down.”

“Shit.” I muttered under my breath. I stuffed my skateboard in my backpack the best I could. Put on the helmet and hopped on the back. “Where do I put my hands?”

“You’re going top have to grab around my waist. Hold tight.”

I grabbed on tight, which was a really awkward, because I just met this guy. But the only other option was to not hang on and go flying off the back.

Burnside hit the throttle and he headed out of the alley. He actually going pretty slow. Well, probably pretty slow for him. But I could tell he wasn’t trying to peel out or show off. He could probably tell I was scared. But even so, his slow was really fast for me. I have to admit, I was terrified, but I also loved it.

_________________________________________ 3 ____________________________________

When I skated down to Burnside’s studio, it must have taken me an hour. But getting home on his bike, we made the trip in under 20 minutes. Again I was terrified all the way. But I also loved it. Maybe I loved how risky it was. Maybe I liked the stares Burnside and I were getting from the old people in their cars as we rode down Lake Union Boulevard. Maybe I like the thrill of Burnside accelerating the bike, climbing that hill and hanging on for my life hoping not to fall off the back.

When we reached my house, my mom was sitting on the front porch waiting for us. I got off the bike as fast as I could. I couldn’t tell if she was pissed or not. And was she pissed at me or at Burnside? I really wanted to tell her how much fun it was. But I’m not sure if she would like that. As she walked down the steps of the front porch, I still couldn’t tell how she felt.

“Hi Sweetheart.” She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big hug. She had a small blanket around her shoulders. When she hugged me, I was fully enveloped. And I felt safe. She gave me a gentle kiss on the top of my head. I really didn’t mind her calling me sweetheart. She did that all her life. So, I’m used to it. It’s just awkward when the boys are over. When they hear it, it’s open season on teasing me. But I get it.

When she let me go, she walked straight up to Burnside and gave him the biggest punch in the shoulder I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know my mom could hit so hard.

“What are you doing bringing him home on this thing!” She scolded him.

“I thought you might like to see it. Want to go for a ride? You used to love it.”

“No! I thought you got rid of this thing years ago.”

Wait! Did I just hear correctly? Did my mom actually ride on the back of a motorcycle? With Burnside!?! Was my mom cool at one point in her life?

Then she did something unexpected. Then she leaned in and gave Burnside a kiss on the cheek.

“How are you?” she asked him.

So she wasn’t pissed. And she still liked this guy. They were still friends.

“I’m good. It’s good to see you. I hesitated to call you. I wanted to get you settled in first. Everything going ok here?”

My mother turned around to face me.

“Robbie, please thank Johnny for the ride home. And why don’t you head inside? I need to talk to Johnny about something before he goes.”

“OK. Thanks for the ride. And thanks for letting me drop in on you like that. I appreciate it.”

“Any time kid.”

As I turned and went inside the house, I could hear them talking.

_____________________________________ 4 ______________________________________

I ran up to my room and started to text the guys about my conversation with Burnside. I tried talking about other things as much as I could, describing the studio, how I got there. I didn’t have the guts to tell them that I asked Burnside to sponsor our patrol and he said no. I was afraid they’d be really pissed at me and drop me.  I just laid there on my bed in total silence. I didn’t even want to put on an album. I was right back in the place where I was when this shitty evening started.

“Kid! Hey kid!” I heard someone yelling.

“Robbie!” they yelled again. But this time the yelling was coming from inside the house. Did one of the boys drop by?

“Kid, where the hell are you?” 

I sat up and got out of bed. The yelling was coming from downstairs. I went out my bedroom door and looked over the railing and looked down onto the first floor, by the front door. Burnside was standing there with my mom.

“Hello?”

“There you are!” Burnside spun around and looked at me. “OK kid, I talked to you mom. I’m in. I’ll work with your patrol”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I couldn’t stop yelling. ”Fuck yeah!” I yelled

“Robbie! Language!” My mom scolded me.

Burnside burst into that typical hyena laugh. ”He is so much like Sean.” He looked up at me. “You have my email, and your mom has my number to text me any information I need. I need to start getting my gear in order.”

“That’s right. We need to move fast. You’re taking us camping in two weeks!”

“What!?” My mom exclaimed.

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I didn’t’ think it was going t happen. Also, I need to get some gear.”

“Jesus” burnside laughed. ”Just like your old man.” Burnside turned and started to head out the door.

“Wait! Johnny.” I yelled.

Burnside turned back. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure. By the way, does your patrol have a name?” He asked

“No. Not yet. We’re trying to think of one.”

“And by the way, how many of there are you? What am I getting into?”

“Seven. There are seven of us” I said.

Burnside gasped. ”Seven? Jesus H. Christ. What did I get into?” He turned and started to leave. My mom closed the front door behind him.

“Thank you, mom” I looked at her.

“My pleasure” she replied.

I went back into my room and started to text the guys. “WE’RE IN. We need to meet tomorrow to go over the details!”

Just then I heard the yelling again “Kid! Hey kid!” It was Burnside yelling from the street under my window. He was sitting on his bike. “I’ve got a name for your patrol.”

“What?”

“The Magnificent 7”

“What the hell does that mean? Who are they?”

“You’ll figure it out.” He said. He started his bike and peeled down 45th street into the Seattle darkness

“You lot! What?
Don’t stop! Give it all you got!
You lot! What?
Don’t stop! Yeah!”
  _The Clash, The Magnificent 7, Sandinista Side 1