Proof that not every Eagle Scout candidate is ready to lead humanity.
The Eagle Scout project is both a sacred rite of passage and an elaborate test of a Scoutmaster’s ability to deal with the absurd. Eagle projects exist so that young men and women who aspire to be leaders of tomorrow can flex their planning and leadership muscles and give back to the community. Think building benches, clearing trails, or planting trees, wholesome Instagram friendly stuff.
But for every successful project, there’s also nightmare proposal, an idea so monumentally misguided, so gloriously terrible, it makes a veteran Scoutmaster contemplate where they went wrong.
We surveyed a few local Scoutmasters and they agreed to share with us the most egregious proposals to ever grace their desks. So, grab a strong drink and hold on to your merit badge sash, because there’s no way these can be real.
Here are six project pitches that made the Scoutmaster reach for the Tylenol.
1. The Community Car Wash for the Homeless
The Pitch: For my Eagle project, I want to give back to the community and help those in need fortunate. I will be offering free shopping cart washes members of our community that are less fortunate.
The Logic: Homeless people deserve shiny rims too. As they pull into the washing line, they move their sleeping bags to waiting area while we power wash and armor-all their carts
2. The Community Drive Through Burn Pit
The Pitch: I want to engage the community and get them involved in efficient trash removal. We’ll do it just like the military handles their trash. I want to build an open-air burn pit right behind the community recreation center. But this burn pit will be drive through!
Residents simply drive pass the pit and toss their trash into the pit.
Any time a resident needs fresh ash compost for their garden, they can pull up and fill up their trunk
The Logic: Everyone has trash. This is community bonding, It’s eco-friendly! It’ll be a living symbol of sustainability.
3. The Museum of Community Road Kill
The Pitch: Our community is surrounded by a wide variety of wildlife. Unfortunately not everyone get to see these beautiful animals. This museum will be a learning center for school kids and old folks who can’t experience the great outdoors.
The Logic: No museums will lend us their animals for display. So I have been scouring the roads and collecting my own specimens. They’re all stored in my garage. Now I just need to build a place to house them.
We’ll have displays, little plaques explaining ‘Squirrels: Nature’s Speed Bumps,’ maybe even a touching squirrel memorial wall. It’s educational! It’s inspirational! We’ll even have a pet or too.
4. A Petrie Dish Playground
The Pitch: “For my Eagle project, I want to build a giant, interactive kids only Petri dish in the middle of the playground. Around it will be pedestals with microscopes. Kids can swab whatever they want, door handles, soda cans, bathroom sinks, noses, diapers, and then look at their results. It’s science and fun rolled into one!”
The Logic: “Nothing brings the community together like germs! Kids will be fascinated when they see the thriving bacterial colonies they personally grew. It’s like gardening, but with staph infections instead of sunflowers. We could even host contests: ‘Grossest Sample of the Week’ or ‘Biggest Blob of Mold.’”
5. The Community Fondue Fountain
The Pitch: A 6-foot-tall cheese fountain in the town square.
The Logic: Who doesn’t love melted cheese? It’s community bonding through community dining. People can bring their own meats, vegetables, fruits, anything they want to dip. Styles of cheese can rotate throughout the week, Mozzarella Monday, Gouda Thursdays!
Honorable Mention
The Community Petting Zoo of Questionable Animals
The Pitch: Every kid loves petting zoos! The idea of a petting zoo is a classic for a reason. Kids love petting goats, rabbits, and lambs. Less so when the “zoo” features a diseased feral cat, a one-eyed possum, and a snapping turtle duct-taped to a kiddie pool. The county vet threatened to shut it down faster than you can say “rabies shots”
The Logic: “We’ll collect ‘local animals’ to make it authentic.” Translation: a diseased feral cat, a one-eyed possum, and a snapping turtle duct-taped to a plastic pool.
Closing Note
Real Eagle projects inspire, restore, and improve the community. These? They just inspire tetanus shots, biohazard warnings, and nightmares. Hats off to the Scouts who dared to dream dumb—your rejection was the real community service.
