August 15.
7:15am. The alarm on my phone went off as planned. I ignored it as usual. 7:20am. The back up alarm goes off as planned. I ignore it again. School starts in 40 minutes. Screw it. No shower this morning. I’m going to have to make a smelly first impression. My mom has been up for an hour. I can smell the bacon cooking. She already knocked on my door twice. Once again, she knocks, opens my bedroom door a few inches and tries to wake me up. I appreciate her not sticking her head in or walking right in without knocking. She’s pretty good at giving me my own space.
“It’s way past time to get up. I’m leaving in 5 minutes if you want me to drive you.” She started her new job last week. So, she’s been getting up early and out the door before me. Last week, her leaving with me sleeping in was fine. Today starts a whole new schedule.
“That’s fine. I’ll walk.” The school is only a 15-minute walk from my house. I can still make it. I rolled out of bed. I started looking for some clean clothes. Crap, last night I forgot to change my laundry from the washer to the dryer. Well, it’s going to be a banner first day. No fresh underwear, no clean jeans, no shower. Nothing a little body spray can’t fix. Just get me through this day and I’ll get my act together.
The high school in my old city only had 300 kids. That seemed fine and manageable for me. And I would have known most of those kids from elementary school. But here, Queen Anne has 2,700 kids. I grab my backpack and head out. New town, new school that’s eight times larger than the school I was expecting to go to, first day of high school, not knowing anybody, I stink, and I think I forgot my lunch and phone charger. What could possibly go wrong for this skinny insecure kid with mild anxiety and depression? Queen Anne High school is a massive school near the heart of the city. This is more like a small college campus with four separate brick buildings.
As I reach the school, I am instantly hit with a wave of anxiety. It feels like all 2,700 students are here in the front courtyard. But the first thing I notice, everybody seems to know everybody else.
All across the courtyard there are different groups of people hanging out together. That’s fine. But where the hell am I supposed to go? It seems like everybody has it together except me.
I have my schedule printed out from the online portal. My first two classes, Freshman Composition and Introduction to French are in building 4. I find that building and classes easy enough. For third period I have study hall. I make my way over to building 1 and into the massive hall where I’m supposed to be. Again, as I walk in, I’m overwhelmed with anxiety. Everybody in the room is already paired up or with a group. I make my way to the first available table with an open chair.
“Sorry, this table’s reserved. Study group” a sophomore girl tells me.
I make my way down the rows of tables to find another seat.
“Taken.”
“I’m saving this for a friend.”
“Science club only.”
“Reserved. Study group.”
After a few more tries, I make my way to the back of the room. I see an open seat at a single table. The room fills with the low hum of excited reunions. After all, on the first day, there really isn’t anything to study in the study hall.
As I sat there, I tried listening in on the other kids’ conversations:
“Did you go up to Whistler this summer?”
“We camped a week in Olympic.”
“I did a Kayaking trip off Bainbridge.”
“Football training camp”
“Summer School”
“I worked part time for my dad”
After a few minutes it became obvious. They all had lives here. They’ve been here forever. They knew each other. They did the same things. When one person told the story of what they did, the others understood, because they’d been there. I have no story to tell these people.
As the week went on, I got used to my schedule pretty easily. The classrooms were pretty easy to find. I think my favorite classes are going to be Earth Sciences Lab and a Digital 3D Design class.
On Thursday I decided to try out for the soccer team. I played in summer leagues in my old city. Usually I played Right Outside Back, a defensive position. As a back, I just had to keep the sides or wings defended from the other team’s offense. If the ball came to me, I just had to get it and pass it off to one of my offensive midfielders.
I should have seen it coming, but the Soccer tryouts didn’t go well. Like with everything in this school, these kids have been playing together since they were little. They grew up together, learned together, played summer leagues together. Again, I was the outsider. The coach barely put me in. He had to give me some playing time. But it was obvious he had made up his mind. He knew who he wanted on his team. And he gave them the bulk of the playing time.
I realized that if I was going to get noticed and earn a spot on this team, I would have to do something extraordinary. I need to get myself noticed. All during the workout I noticed the offensive midfielder was weak. He never charged aggressively. His ball handling skills were lazy. I’ve been an offensive midfielder before, and I know I was better than this kid. Maybe this is my opportunity to get noticed.
After the team took a quick water break, I took to the field, but not in my usual defensive back position. I took one of the midfielder positions. As the team took the field, the kid that was playing the mid-field position all day, his name was Kelly, jogged out. He saw me standing in his position.
“You’re in my spot. Get over there. Don’t you know how to play?”
“I’m going to take this round at mid field”
“The fuck you are. Get to your position” Kelly sneered.
I stood my ground. “Look these are tryouts. I want to switch to offense. I want to show the team what I can do. ”
“Hey, asshole, get to your defensive position. Kelly is our midfielder”. Another older boy yelled at me.
“I’m going to give it a shot this round” I held my ground.
“Coach!” Kelly yelled. “Tell this kid to get where he belongs!”
“What the hell is going on out there?” the coach bellowed
“I’m trying out for mid field offense” I yelled back
“You’re a defenseman! We have an offensive midfielder.” Kelly was getting visibly agitated.
“Not really. It’s a new year. New recruits, new team. Neither of us have played for this school yet. I’m allowed to try out”
“Listen dipshit” Kelly sneered “I’ve been playing offense since I was ten. I’ve been going to summer camps for years. The coach knows me and my family. We’ve talked about this. It’s all set. When I start at this high school, I skip freshmen team and get to go straight to varsity.”
And that’s when I started to get really pissed. “Fuck this” I thought to myself. All week at this damn school it’s been nothing but getting excluded and ignored. This is not how I’m going to set the tone for my time here.
“What’s the damn hold up out there?” The coach yelled.
“He’s taking my position!” Kelly whined.
The coach was pissed and came out to us in mid field.
“Coach, all I want to do is show you what I can do as an offensive midfielder. These are open try outs. You’ve seen me as a defenseman, now all I’m asking is a chance at offense.”
“It’s my position! You talked to my mom about this. ” Kelly was on the verge of a full-on temper tantrum.
I don’t know why, but I found this funny. The sense of entitlement, the inflexibility, the lack of being on a team. “Fuck this guy” I thought to myself.
“One round coach, that’s all I’m asking for”
The coach was looking at me and Kelly. He was pissed. He was also anxious. It was clear he did not want to be put in this position. But what the hell? That’s exactly what the coach is supposed to do, make decisions for the betterment of the team. The coach nervously looked back at the sidelines. But he wasn’t looking at the bench. He was looking into the bleachers. Who was he looking for?
He turned back to us.
“One round then Kelly’s back in.” Coach whispered meekly.
The coach was looking at me and Kelly. He was pissed. He was also anxious. It was clear he did not want to be put in this position. But what the hell? That’s exactly what the coach is supposed to do, make decisions for the betterment of the team. The coach nervously looked back at the sidelines. But he wasn’t looking at the bench. He was looking into the bleachers. Who was he looking for?
He turned back to us.
“One round then Kelly’s back in.” Coach whispered meekly.
“What the fuck?” Kelly gasped
As the coach and Kelly started to walk back to the sidelines, I saw a blonde-haired mom start running for the bench. She was clearly pissed.
“Kelly! Kelly! Why aren’t you in!” she yelled.
“John! John! What are you doing?” she started yelling at the coach. The coach slowly turned and started walking towards what must be Kelly’s mother. That’s when I realized, this coach sucks. If he can’t make his own decisions and has to explain himself to every parent, he sucks.
The assistant coach blew the whistle and yelled at us to start playing. Instantly nothing went well. The rest of the team clearly was pissed at me for upsetting their status quo. At every play they did everything they could to keep the ball from me. This included bad passes and really dumb plays. But the coaches looked the other way.
“Screw it, I’ve got nothing to lose.” I thought. “You ain’t alive and kicking unless you’re fighting”. My dad used to say that all the time. It wasn’t his phrase, he admitted, but something one of his favorite singers often said.
Six minutes into play I saw my chance. The other team had the ball and was heading towards us up the field. I saw the opposing mid fielder; a tall red-haired boy looking across the field. I could read where he was going to pass it. This was his mistake. He gave away his surprise.
I waited. As soon as the red-haired kid struck for his pass, I jumped in. I tangled him up and we fought for the ball. The tall red head was shocked that I would challenge him.
“What the fuck?” he whispered. He wasn’t used to being challenged like this. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to defend himself. Just like Kelly, he was soft because he was never challenged like this. I intercepted the ball and had some open field. I’m going for it.
I heard the yells from the other players on the team and from the sidelines. There was a mixture of shock, outrage, cheers and anger. I pushed downfield as hard as I could. If they are stunned because their usual play was upset, then I’m taking advantage of that. I pushed on and had a fairly clear shot at the goal. There was only one player between me and the goalie. No chance of an offside call. I pushed the ball slightly forward and went for it. It was a clean kick. It sailed past the last defenseman. The goalie was completely unprepared. The ball took a nice curve to the right and made it into the lower right corner of the goal.
I have to admit, I was pretty damn proud of myself.
But the rest of the practice went right back to sucking. Even though I showed the team and the coach what I could do, I was still an outcast. Coach immediately sent me back to playing defense and put Kelly back into his old position. I will never go near the ball again.
Later in the locker room, all of the other kids were laughing and talking about how great they thought practice went. But they ignored me. I caught out of the corner of my eye Kelly making his way down our row of lockers. I seriously thought he was going to push me off my bench and bash my head into the lockers. When he came up behind me, he simply leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“Don’t ever pull that bullshit again.”
As I finished getting changed, all of the other kids left together. They played together, they got changed together, they even all got rides home together. I hate cliques.
I picked up my backpack and started to head out. As I came out of my row of lockers, I noticed another kid sitting at the end of a bench in another row. He looked up at me.
“That was a good steal. Great goal too. You can handle the ball”
“Thanks. I didn’t see you out there. Do you play?”
“No. I just help with the equipment.”
“I don’t think coach liked my steal.”
“Oh, he liked it. But he’s not allowed to say that. I hate to break the bad news to you, but I doubt you’re going to make this team. You’re good enough, but that’s not what decides who gets on the team and who plays”
“What the hell? Then who decides”
“The parents. Every single kid who is a starter on these teams has a parent telling the coach what to do. Every single parent of a kid on this team is also a member of the Queen Anne High Sports Booster Committee.”
What’s that?”
“They’re the parents that raise all of the money. All year they run the barbecues, car washes, events. Anything that raises money for the team, they handle it. The school budget is tight, so they raise the money for new equipment, uniforms, travel, all that stuff. Sometimes they just give the school the money. But in return, there’s this unwritten thing that the coach has to give their kid playing time.”
“Even though they suck?”
“Even though they suck. So many parents are so wrapped up in getting their kids into college, they’ll do anything it takes to make sure their kids log enough playing time to be seen and recruited to a college. It’s all about the fucking helicopter parents running the show so their little Johnny gets something on his resume. I know it sucks, but that’s the way it is. If you want on that team, you need a parent that’s going to deliver something for this team. ”
“Thanks” I didn’t know what to say. So that’s how this works. I got up and started to walk away. Before I left, I turned to him:
“I’m Robbie. I’m a freshman” I said.
“Alex. Sophomore”. Alex stood up and started walking towards the equipment room. Now I could see why he didn’t play. His right foot in one of those boot casts.
“Did you break your ankle playing?” I asked.
“No. I could never play. The ankles are just too weak. I still love the sport though. So I help out around here. See ya around.”
Alex turned and hobbled into the equipment room. I turned and left the locker room into the hallway.
I started walking down the hallway to the side exit of the building. It was getting to be about five so the halls were empty. Halfway down the hall towards the exit, I noticed a bulletin board. It was filled with fliers and announcements. All week, I must have passed this board a few times. But I never noticed it because I was keeping my head down and trying to figure out where I needed to go.
The top of the board had a banner that read CLUBS. The board was packed with fliers pinned in every available space. Music club, Tuesdays at 4:00, Chess Club Wednesdays during lunch, Bible Study, Anime Watching Society Friday afternoons
In the lower right corner of the board was a green flier that caught my eye.
BOY SCOUT TROOP 425
WILL HOLD MEETINGS
EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT 7:00PM.
MEET AT QUEEN ANNE HIGH SCHOOL IN THE CAFETERIA.
I now remember the photo album I found. My dad belonged to the scouts. He was an Eagle Scout. I don’t know what the hell this involves. But that little voice inside my head is telling me to check it out.
“Let’s give it a shot.” I thought.
I took a photo of the flier with my phone and headed home.
I’ve got work to do.
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